Marriage Market

"Is your son/daughter(s) settled in life?"

2009-07-01T05:12:00.004+05:30

To attempt to answer this, one needs to know some theory behind this loaded question. Read: "Is your son/daughter having one and a half kid? Do they have a good job which gives enough salary to save atleast about 50% of what comes in, excluding the expenses? Do they have a home loan which is on the verge of completion? Do the kid/s go to a good school and are they dus bata dus students? Do you have any difference of opinions?" This is just the tip of the ice berg trust me! Unless it is a 'yes' to all the theory questions, you can say "Yes, my children are settled". Unfortunately these days, State Bank of India is not offering jobs to every child! If only that were the case, then the story would have been different.

What if one of them is still studying? Ans:" Tsk Tsk.. Pcch.. Poor you! It's OK, as soon as they finish you will be happy again. " Excuse me! Who's not happy now??
What if both are not living together? Ans: "Is their relationship alright? Is your SIL/DIL a good person?" I'm glad atleast one of them is suffering the distance when none of the others are! :)
What if one of them is studying and both are living together? I won't even bother to answer that. Clearly it is a route to disaster I am sure.

So much for 'settlement' in life... There's so much of gap between the immediate generation these days, that they fail to understand that the time has changed.

PS: The answers are all generic. There are special people who have different opinion on the subject and I am glad I belong to those families. :)

Marriage sounds claustrophobic???

2009-06-30T23:33:00.003+05:30

Lot of 'single ready to mingle' kind of people that I meet these days have only one problem. They don't want to get married because they think if they do, they are going to lose out on their footloose and fancy free lifestyle.

It is only unfortunate that marriage is viewed more as cooking regularly, doing household stuff, taking more responsibilities either in terms of the partner or in terms of the 'dreaded' in-laws (No thanks to Saas- Bahu soaps!). If you think your life is not worth living anymore according to your terms, then I guess welcome to the world of marriage in soaps!!

Reality check: I've been married for two and a half years. The only thing that changed in my life is that I have a person who is ready to listen to me always and a person to share my views with. A person with who I have enough freedom to agree to disagree. Did I ever feel claustrophobic for being in a relationship?? I never thought about it that much. I still have my own space, pursue the same hobbies, am the same person.

I am sure there are a number of them who agree with this! Does it require effort? Or did I get plain lucky? I don't know!
So does marriage sound claustrophobic??For me: Nay- Been there, done that... :)

Committed With a 'K'

2008-03-09T18:04:00.003+05:30

So, all these friends of mine keep coming to me and asking me how do you know? How did you decide? What do you really look for?

I've been putting off an answer for almost 5 months now. And I still don't have one. How do you know it's the right guy you've stumbled on?

The answer is, you don't, really.

I'm serious. How do I know for sure that my story is going to end with a "Happily Ever After"? I really don't. How do I know that we won't fight over smelly socks or Windows vs Linux? How do we know that we would love how the other person looks when they're 80 years old? Come to think of it, how do we even know that we're going to be 80?

We don't. We don't know a lot of things. And the more prepared we are to accept this uncertainity in life, the simpler it is for us.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this "truth". Fed as we have been on a diet of long blonde hair (who in India even has blonde hair except Amisha Patel in one of her ahem! phases?) and white horses that charge into the sunset. And stories of rings found inside fish and memories that enchant and love that transcends lifetimes.

I realized one morning that here is someone smart and sweet and sensitive, about as crazy as me and slightly more focussed in life. And I saw someone who I connected to and decided, I don't know about ever after, but right now looks pretty darn good... I'm not sure that I won't find someone "better" but who can define "better", really?

To all those friends of mine who can't make up their minds... You can't be too logical to think about marriage and come to a decision. Sometimes, its better to just let go...

Entry Fee Not Required

2008-02-10T09:40:00.000+05:30

Top 5

2007-12-14T00:14:00.000+05:30

5 Reasons why an Arranged Marriage is better than a Louve Marriage:
1. You don't have to guage each crush for 'potential'
2. You can leave all sorting, filtering and scanning to The Parents
3. You get a lot of stuff if you use your 'injured feelings' to your advantage
4. You get to hear your parents praise you to strangers the way you never heard them, ever...
5. You get to hear of/meet a variety of characters and write a blog about them :P

5 Reasons why "Meeting the Match" is better than a date:
1. You don't have to worry about looking fat because you'll wear Indian clothes.
2. Colour co-ordination of jewelry, makeup or accessories is not expected.
3. You don't have to worry about striking intelligent conversation.
4. You can look at the floor and think "what a moron" and appear to be shy.
5. You can avoid all conversation by pretending to be shy and then say you didn't get to talk to the guy at all...

5 Reasons why you would want to give the guy a chance:
1. He smiles nervously instead of condenscendingly
2. He asks you about yourself instead of telling you about himself
3. His plans for the future are not set in stone
4. He expects you to have a career instead of 'allowing' it
5. The agenda of his trip is not bride hunting and you're not in queue

5 Signs you should run away from the guy ASAP:
1. He has 'multiple options' and wants to get 'committed' within a timeline
2. He's pushing 30 and getting desperate or worse still, pursuing a 'Green Card'
3. He gives you the creeps for no apparent reason
4. All conversation halts if you go quiet
5. He thinks he's being practical but makes you feel like a piece of furniture he's adding to the house...

5 Ways to make the guy run away from you:
1. Smile shyly and say (while playing with dupatta), I don't know how to talk to boys, I never did...
2. Tell him you hope to have a large family
3. Let the words, "my last boyfriend" innocently slip ;-)
4. Let him realize you're smarter than he is...
5. Tell him you want to pursue {insert eccentric career of choice}

5 Tips for effective 'Guy Hunting':
1. Stay away from guys pushing 30. They're probably so set in their ways they would expect you to make all changes
2. Stay away from guys who have no female influence in their life
3. Stay away from families who ask over the phone "Is your daughter good looking?"
4. Beware of those who look a little too good (not just looks, the whole deal put together)
5. Trust your instincts. If you think you should dump coffee on someones head and run away, you probably should...

Chemistry In Marriage

2007-11-25T15:34:00.000+05:30

After having come up with the "perfection" post and after reading Xai's latest I cannot help but relate arranged marriages with the most fundamental principle in chemistry we all learn- The Octet Rule which says that atoms tend to pair in such a way that they attain 8 electrons in the valence shell thereby achieving maximum stability.

At the end of the day,marriage is about attaining stability,both emotional and financial.It is this need for stability that still keeps the concept of an arranged marriage alive.It is this need for stability that makes your parents regard you as HALF A COUPLE(Xai's Post). No matter how qualified we are,no matter how much we earn somewhere deep down,we know that our parents know best afterall and thereby marry the "perfect" guy who comes our way than wait for a knight in shining armour to sweep us off our feet. As for the parents,they believe that it is only the "perfect" girls and boys who can provide the stability to their children.

However,there are too many perfect guys and too many perfect girls and hence the market continues.........

What Works

2007-11-22T22:14:00.000+05:30

Someone left a comment on this blog talking about the things about the marriage market that work. And I thought my reply deserves a separate post. (Congratulations you! you've earned yourself a specially written post from The Goddess herself!)

The trouble with arranged marriages has never really been the fundamentals. The more time I spend looking at arranged marriages that work, the more I realize that. Family, upbringing and values form a large part of the reason two people decide that they can comfortably live with each other. Other things are looks, education and finances. Arranged marriages do not fail you in any of these.

Lets face it, if we didn't derive comfort from having a partner from a similar background, we would have long since married that extra special friend from school, college or work who we got along with brilliantly. We do care, and hence arranged marriages are not for social morons alone.

What troubles me is the way we have turned a beautiful concept into a market. It should be about meeting someone, concentrating on knowing him for himself and then deciding if you would like to be married to him without worrying about background issues. However, reality far from it. Today, a girl cannot really be any more sure of a guy she meets in the marriage market than of someone she meets, say at work or in a pub.

The reason is simple. The focus has moved from investigating a person who would keep your child happy, to seeking perfection. (For more on perfection, refer to avu's post). It shouldn't matter whether the boy is a rocket scientist or a chef unless your daughter does. It shouldn't matter whether the girl is a sari clad, temple circumabulating supermodel looker or not. But it does. And this is what I have been trying to say in the last 50 odd posts.

Arranged marriages are probably the best bet we have for ensuring that the gene pool stays intact and we get people from diverse yet similar backgrounds get to meet. But we've reduced it to a Kumbh Mela which just a cattle market at the end of it all...

AUNTYGIRI

2007-11-20T09:08:00.000+05:30

If you are over 21 years of age(25 for guys),single and happen to attend any family/social gathering,you are subjected to what is called AUNTYGIRI.

AUNTYGIRI is the question-answer,gossip,information relay and conclusion assumption system carried out by our dear auntys who are more often than not "good friends" of ur mothers',2nd,3rd,4th and so on upto nth cousins of ur parents and the helpful and caring(read snoopy) neighbours.

Actually,AUNTYGIRI exists at every phase of life.It probably starts from the sack race days in school and goes on for the rest of your life.It is an intermittent phenomenon that is very severe during festivals,board exams,entrance exams and campus placements but reaches its peak during the marriage season.The auntys cannot tolerate the single status and try their best either to talk your parents into getting you married or try to find the "reasons" behind you being single.

One aunty recently told me that "no matter how many degrees you have,you will end up cleaning soiled diapers,so why don't you just get married"

A TYPICAL AUNTY CONCLUSION
Aunty One:Do u know,that she is 24 and her parents have no intentions of getting her married.

Aunty Two:They must be trying,but are not revealing it.

Aunty One: But why? Do you think she had an affair?

Aunty Two: Maybe,she looks like she is that type(i seriously don't understand how u can "look" like that!).

YET ANOTHER ONE
Aunty One: Have u seen Mrs.Xs daughter in Mrs.Ys party yesterday

Aunty Two:I missed the party at Mrs.Ys place(poor thing the newly bought diamond earrings went unflaunted).But y do u ask?

Aunty One:She is dark and also a bit fat.I am sure she weighs more than my daughter and doesn't look half as good

Aunty Two: Maybe thats y she is not married in spite of being 24

THE AUNTY HALL OF FAME
All the K serial women are born auntys
All the PVCs of la la land are auntys in the making(refer to PVC in my blog)

THE BEST AUNTY SO FAR
I don't think anyone can beat Nadira Babbar as Aishwarya Rai's mother in Bride and Prejudice

In Pursuit Of "PERFECTION"

2007-10-31T14:55:00.000+05:30

Arranged marriages are all about finding "perfection".Parents want their kids to be regarded as "perfect" and look for "perfect" matches.Perfection is no longer an attribute but a name given to a set of specifications which every prospective(brahmin) bride and groom must have

THE "PERFECT" BRIDE:
1. Is either an engineer or a doctor.Second preference goes to the commerce girls.Everyone likes to say that their daughter or daughter-in-law is a software professional,or works for an mnc or an international bank. I am yet to see families accept girls who are MAC make up artists.

2.Must be docile and extremely feminine.As a result most of the girls are taught either music or dance and a mention of anything like Tai Chi or kalaripayattu brings the roof down.

3. And here comes the age old requirement: Must have a complexion that is between very fair and slightly wheatish.

4. Must be willing to uproot herself from any place and any job and move to where her husband will be.

5.And the miscellaneous things like knowing the various sahastranamams and ashtotrams

THE "PERFECT" GROOM
1. Again,is either an engineer or a doctor.IITans score lots of brownie points.Must work in a fortune 500 company and have equally qualified siblings. I am yet to hear about brahmin guys who are Michelin 3 star chefs or footwear designers(refer to the post titled Talking about impact to know the consequences of considering marriage to a chef or a designer)

2. Should not smoke and must not eat non veg

As long as the quest for "perfection" continues,aranged marriages continue to be far more entertaining than the K soaps and the circus goes on

She Did

2007-10-26T19:55:00.000+05:30

She worked very hard to find the right husband, I must say. She went to temples, she went to engineering college, she learned to cook and sew and tell funny jokes. And she learnt to flutter her eyelashes just so.

And she went on a diet and she lost weight, and bought the prettiest of saris. And thought to herself, I am quite a smartie to be doing all this.

Did it work? I do not know. But a good husband she did get.

Talking About Impact......................

2007-10-14T15:55:00.000+05:30

Here are a few very well known 20% dialogues which i thought are worth a mention

"Mere jeete jee yeh shaadi nahi ho sakti..........to?kab jaa rahe hain aap?"

"Ab desh bhi aazaad hai, toh aapki beti kyon nahi?"

"main tumhe mere jaaydaad se bedakhal kar doonga"

"Tum paida hote hi mar kyon nahi gayee"

"Ab hum samaaj mein sar nahi utha sakte".............................................................................................................

NEW AUTHOR SPEAKS

2007-10-08T10:36:00.000+05:30

First of all, congratulations Marriage Market you are the blog that lived inspite of Xai trying her best to close you.

I must say that reading Marriage Market entertained and enlightened me. I got to know about the whole arranged marriage fuss and about Dus Bata Dus(my favourite part in the blog). A recent conversation with Xai convinced her that it is the 'right time' for me to be involved with Marriage Market.

Having been rejected by an American university thereby putting off Ms for six more months , staying at home after 6 years of unrestricted living and having relatives and auntys while away their time discussing my marriage(Even the finer details like the budget for sarees etc..) makes me the perfect contributor to this blog.

So,here I am all set to post everything about this circus and exult "arranged marriage zindabad" for this is where 80% of the Indian roads end.

Avanija

New Author

2007-10-06T19:50:00.000+05:30

I never thought I'd share this blog with someone, but it's been fun and therupatic to share my experiences on this blog. I just have not been able to bring myself to let this blog die. So I'm passing it on to a new author who's a dear friend.

Hope she can keep the masses entertained as much as I did. :-)

~ Xai

I do believe in...

2007-08-26T23:33:00.000+05:30

... fate.

This blog is now re-closed.

I Hereby Declare

2007-06-27T10:40:00.000+05:30

That I no longer believe in arranged marriages.

This blog is closed.

Today's Realization

2007-06-13T22:40:00.000+05:30

Almost all guys want a wife who has a job. Very few want one with a career...

I was home today. And I happened to watch bits of an 80's telugu movie. Something about a woman who was brazen enough to leave husband and family to go "modelling". The only scene I saw was one where the guys father holds his head in his hand and says, "I'm sorry for making you marry this monster".

I know, thats how all 80's movies were. They were mostly about getting women "under control". But it startles me to think that this is how we still think... In movies, anyway.

So I was talking to this friend of mine about someone I met and didn't like and I said, "Look, this guy want's a wife who works. So he's not a total loser". And my friend said, he wants a wife who will support him. That is her primary job. And suddenly, it became clear. Yes. He wanted (and will surely get) a wife who has a job but not necessarily a career.

And as I understood, things became easier. It's easier to understand the guy. And understand what's wrong and understand why I didn't like him and understand how I escaped the mistake that would screw a lifetime.

And you realize that no career is not really no career. It runs deeper than that...

Position Vacant

2007-04-25T10:42:00.000+05:30

Only those capable of outdazzling by miles need apply...

Brahman

2007-04-22T22:47:00.000+05:30

That's what the Vedas call the all pervasive force that is the universe. Brahman is out of the scope of the understanding of an ordinary mortal, they say. And define not what Brahman is; rather what Brahman is not. Not this, not this, not this either, they say.

What's this to do with The Circus you might ask.

Well, because that's how half the guys get described by girls (or perhaps girls too, I'm not privy to locker room talk).

Not too bad, it starts. Height, not bad. Job, could be worse. Not too boring. Not very orthodox, not very strict (read allows wife to wear jeans) not overly mommy mommy, not too fat (or tondu), not very talkitive, not very arrogant (though he might act like knight out to rescue damsel from a life of drudgery), not... well, any girl can complete that list.

And while trying to explain this to my bhai, I made the connection today. Is this why they call them Pati-Parmeshwar? :P

www.telugumatrimony.com

2007-04-20T12:34:00.000+05:30

Have you seen even a few pics and profiles?

It's a scary world out there....

A Girl's Life

2007-04-07T21:40:00.000+05:30

All her life, irrespective of how liberal her parents may be, a girl grows up hearing two things. One, that her name is only temporary. And two, that she's not a permanent member of her family.

It doesnt matter that the parents think you're smarter than your brother in some ways. Or that you've been around more at home. At the end of it all, you don't really belong here.

A friend and I were talking the other day. He said men make as much of a change in their lives as women do. That this whole process of match fixing is as cumbersome for them as it is for a girl. Here's an approximate reproduction of what I said to him.

A woman will change her name, her bonds, her city and possibly even her job to be with you. She will live in your home, spend more time with your friends than her own, possibly dress the way you like, most likely enter the kitchen for the first time and first learn to cook what you like best.

Even if you're just thinking about blessing her life with your presense, she realizes that she suddenly has two sets of parents to be accountable to instead of one.

She will wait patiently while you try to arrive at a decision and replay everything that ever passed between you a million times and wonder each time if she said the right thing.

Your girl will stop eating out of her best friends plate because it may not look right to the world.

She will not join a salsa class because you might not like her dancing with another man.

She will stop being seen alone with the guy(s) she's been hanging out for months with because it would not really be nice anymore. There are four parents to appease.

A woman will wait, listen and long for a word of acknowledgement of her existance while life goes on for you in your thinking world.

She will fear if she can really make all those changes that she has to and then fear that you may not take her fears seriously. After all, she's not the first woman on the planet to get married. Nor will she be the last.

I wonder how many men have really seen any of this turmoil in the lives of the women they married and acknowledged it.

I wonder how many friends really understood where the smile on the girls face really went without accusing her of suddenly changing.

I wonder how many brothers smiled at their sisters and said sane or insane, rational or irrational, they were with them...

I wonder.

At the end of it all, it is left to a woman to wait, to long, to cry and wish and accept and change and move into a new life without losing the bonds from the old...

A Poem

2007-03-30T15:05:00.000+05:30

I don't write poems... Cant tell what rhymes with silver... But I chanced upon one I liked. It's here

nada's blog

Hope you like it. :-)

Excerpts from a Mail

2007-03-26T13:47:00.000+05:30

isn't the region being scoured for eligible gult boys with good CV's? I'm sure the hunt must've begun. My mom has started giving gentle hints --- that "I should be open to meeting new people" he he :) of course, new people who are tam brams, from zouth indian good family, with gud job, and nice parents. and of course u should also like him... DUH!!

Words from an old old friend...

Inspirational Speech...

2007-02-23T09:43:00.000+05:30

A newly wed girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner.

She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed her new family as follows:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me into my new home and family," she said.

"Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences. By that, I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, or your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

"What I mean dad is:

"Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them.

"Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it.

"Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account.

"Those who used to clean should go ahead and clean.

"And please don't mind me, I am here just to live with your son!"

Eternal Truth

2007-02-21T11:04:00.000+05:30

"Well," said Charlotte, "I wish Jane success with all my heart; and if she were married to him to-morrow, I should think she had as good a chance of happiness as if she were to be studying his character for a telve-month. Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance. If the dispositions of the parties are ever so well known to each other, or ever so similar beforehand, it does not advance their felicity in the least. They always continue to grow sufficiently unlike afterwards to have their share of vexation, and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life."

"You make me laugh Charlotte; but it is not sound. You know it is not sound, and that you would never act in this way yourself."

- Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice)

Finally Figured the Trouble

2007-01-29T20:10:00.003+05:30

I look for a brilliant husband.

My parents look for a good son-in-law.

The intersection is a null set... :P

I Noticed Something

2007-01-26T11:24:00.000+05:30

Almost all comments left on this blog are by girls.

It's nice to know that girls can relate to what I write here.

Also kinda proves that girls everywhere run into more or less the same crises... :-)

Even the hero wants to control us.

2007-01-25T22:16:00.000+05:30

An anonymous commenter said this. And it's true.

Through life, movies and yet more life, I have seen this. The hero decides, and the heroine docilely nods her head declaring his shadow to be her fitting place in life. And when he doesn't, we call him the heroine.

What's important is that somewhere, it's ingrained in our collective subconscious that the heroine doesn't say no. If she does, it's only to say yes after the hero has made a crude pass at her for the hundredth time. And she doesn't usually say yes either. She runs away blushing and smiling. And the father says, "kitne acche sanskar diye hain maine apni beti ko."

After all these years of gyan, lectures and so called bills of rights, I realise that Sister Flavian was not so right after all.

The heroine with a voice, the woman who knows her mind and the girl who speaks without mincing words are usually rarities. And those rare ones are rather unwelcome.

The rich girl who says "No" to a guy will either be taught a lesson by the factory worker (80's Amitabh Bacchan style) or will have sense knocked into her head by a trauma she cannot face without her hero.

Yes. It's true. Even the hero wants to control us...

Random Scribblings

2007-01-25T10:01:00.000+05:30

There will be bright lights in the marriage hall, women rustling around in heavy silk saris, sounds of music, perfumed smoke from the sacred fire, little children running around clueless of what's happening but enjoying the excitement and the girl you love looking uncharacteristically shy sitting beside you, waiting for that moment when the music peaks and the yellow thread is tied, moms blink back tears and people crowd around throwing coloured rice and flower petals showering blessings on you and your bride...

If the dream is not this, the girl is not right...

and maybe the right guy would feel thus:

trying to feel not very shy about his bare chest amidst shouts of attention from people with cams and trying to give a plastic look ... and not get very fussy with smoke around ... and respond to the shreiks and shouts of cousins and etc's in a battle of pouring colored rice grains... and then bend six feet down about a 100 times for blessings from octagenarians...

Too Many Well Wishers

2007-01-16T16:35:00.000+05:30

Sometimes, I wonder where people are heading to.

I always thought marriage was something sacred. Something you enter not because you're of the right age, mindset or because there's someone who can keep you company all your life but because you're ready to move out of a single life into building some permanent bonds.

Marriage is about having a family. It's about being a focal point where two families merge and feel good about. My second cousins husband and husbands third cousin go, hey! Nice meeting you here!

Marriage is about having your own family. Children you bring up according to the best of both worlds.

Marriage is about responsibility. I have my life, my husband, my kids. I fall sick, I take care of myself. I don't run "home" like I do right now.

Most of all, marriage is about wanting to share a lifetime, to love, trust and grow with a person. It's not about pedigree, not about degrees, not about shared interests, comfort or any such crap. They are important. But not quite as much.

How can people get so frivilous about it? How can they think about flats in prime locations and promising degrees? Or a degree of comfort that might just lead to stagnation?

How do people even imagine that you can break old ties and still build and sustain new ones?

I have no clue.

A week (perhaps more) of soul searching and listening has driven me to anxiety. How little do people value being married? What value do they attach to their spouse? And why is everything linked to being the "right match"?

I have no clue. If it was as simple as all that, there would be happier people in the world.

Call me a romantic, call me unrealistic, tell me that "this is the way it is". I don't agree. I will not marry until I'm convinced. I will not marry hoping to be able to love someone. I will not marry hoping the genes will produce a Vishwanathan Anand. And oh, I will not marry just because everyone thinks that I should marry the person I spend most waking hours talking to.

I will marry who I want to and When I want to. So there...

Today's fortune

2007-01-09T22:15:00.000+05:30

You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling.

Yes, I am. I really am. I don't mince words over important things. I simbly can't!

I talk a lot, I think a lot, I live a lot, I'm that way. I can't be nice to people, I can't be sweet. I can't be quiet. I can't be normal.

Life is about orange hearts and pink candy. Why do people always insist on doing things the other way around?

I can't stand conventional. I want amusement. I want chatter and banter and laughter and lightness. I want all of that. And a little quiet and a lot of silence.

Cosmo Bride

2007-01-03T16:15:00.001+05:30

I'm generally bored. Rather than think up beauty pageant questions, I figured it's more profitable to put out a cosmo like questionnaire for all prospective brides who wish to torture all prospective grooms.

Please note, if the guy is cute, there are no wrong answers. If the guy is remotely creepy or oiled hair, there are no right answers... HA HA HA HA (evil laugh)

Question 1:
Are you very attached to your mom?

This is a trick question.

If you say yes, you come across as someone who'd constantly compare wifey's cooking with mom's cooking, talk to mom at odd hours of the day, in general worship her and conclusively prove that you don't need a wife as long as mommy's around. :P

If you say no... Well, insensitive ^%$&^%*$ aren't you? The one woman who gave up her life, her figure and picked up your poop and you're not attached to her? How can I believe you're capable of a meaningful relationship, Conan the Barbarian? :P :P

Question 2:
Do you believe that there is such a thing as male and female roles in the family?

This is also a trick question.

If you say yes, well, you're pretty much screwed, aren't you?

If you say no, hmm... are you sure your boyfriend wouldn't mind giving you up for me? :P

Question 3:
Did you have a girlfriend in college?

Yes, I did leads to further questions like:

Are you still in touch? (yes = hung up/fling. no = insensitive)
Did you plan to get married? (yes = hmm... no = commitment phobic)
How long were you together? (short time = fling, ugh. long time = major jealousy)
.
..
...

No? Whoa why not? Are you such a loser that an arranged marriage is the only way you can hope to get a girl? Or are you just not the "girl" type?

Question 4:
Do you cook?

Major trick question.

Yes. The girl will most likely not cook ever in your married life.

No. Reeks of snob. Are you above cooking? How did you live alone all these days?

Question 5:
Do you have any questions?

Ask one, you'll be crucified.

Don't ask one and be accused of not listening.

Any questions?

12/10

2006-12-23T21:13:00.000+05:30

That's the feeling I got after uncleji was done describing his son. :-P

And why is that? Because not only does the kid answer all the questions on the paper, he also answers the "extra" questions. Thus earning the maximum possible marks. You know, the kind who would rather lose his youth than lose a mark.

Meet Barah Bata Dus, cousin of dus bata dus. An absolute entertainer.

You know, there are people in life I am irked by. There are some who are so distantly removed from my thinking that I view them with faint surprise.

And then, when you feel you've seen it all, you encounter one of these. The Barah Bata Dus's of the world. The ones who are so far removed from my spehre of reality as to seem ridiculous.

But they are real. The Barah Bata Dus's are sometimes a little more real than the Dus Bata Dus's. I can "forgive" the DBD's. Or, at least, I can sympathise, though not understand or want to be one of them. It makes sense that someone would want to have a certain degree of perfection or order in their lives. And would want to be the best at everything.

But the BBD's? God forbid that they end up settling for the perfect score. They must not only be perfect, they must also prove to the world that they're the very embodiment of greatness. They're the ones who believe that it's worth the supreme sacrifice to be The One no one else can be.
Of course, they are someone no one else can be. But then, it remains to be seen, who wants to be that?

That's the random gyan.

There's just one line of specific gyan I want to share here. I might die of suffocation in the company of a DBD but I would definitely die laughing in the company of a BBD. :P

Scores... They disturb me. Why should we reduce people to numbers and labels? (Find my answer to that one here)

CAT or Catch?

2006-12-21T14:41:00.001+05:30

Ok, I admit, that was a terrible title (more on titles and puns once Simbly Bored... is beautified again)

Meanwhile, I realise that some things are plain ol' karma. Just when I thought my life was simple, complications arise.

Three weeks to go before we cut the title by half... :-)

Something Nice

2006-10-26T09:48:00.000+05:30

Unknown Stranger's Blog Post

I think this is the best thing anyone could do with their "wedding money"

I've Been A Software Engineer Too Long

2006-10-10T17:04:00.000+05:30

I handed my parents a nice list of requirements I expect them to meet before selling another random GG to me.

Not too different from the list I posted here a while ago.

College, here I come... :P

Mommy's Words of Wisdom

2006-09-25T11:02:00.000+05:30

My mother, the brilliant one, spoke these words to me last evening.

"Pass aithe callegi Fail aithe marriagi" (in typical telugu ishtyle)

Roughly translated:

Pass hue to college, fail hue toh marriage

Pass and go to college, fail and resign to marriage.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Mommy's Rock I tell you!!

Excerpts From a Conversation

2006-09-07T14:43:00.000+05:30

Newly Married Friend: So, when are you getting married

Me: Not so soon.

Newly Married Friend: How come? What are you waiting for

Me: Actually I'm scared

Newly Married Friend: Of What?

Me: Losing my independence, that sort of thing

Newly Married Friend: But that's not true Sammy

Me: Well, I want to study, I want to move up and do a few things with my life and then get marred.

Newly Married Friend: You can do all that after getting married.

Me: That's what my parents say, but it depends on the guy, don't you think

Newly Married Friend: Sure! I'm sure you'll get a great guy

Me: So, how's your job hunt going?

Newly Married Friend: Not too good.

Whatever happened to the career-nirvana-after-marriage?

I rest my case.

Poor, Poor brainwashed babes.

KANK-II

2006-09-07T14:33:00.000+05:30

If you're smart, successful, talented and ambitious, could you stay married/in love with someone who is not all of those?
Probably yes. You would say love has nothing to to with all those things.

Lets turn that upside down. If you're neither smart nor successful, talented nor ambitious, could you stay married/in love with someone who is all of those?
Probably not. Your insecurity would eat you up alive.

Poor Karan. He thought mutual (self) pity translates into "love of one's life". Was that love? All the blue paint he slopped? Or just some Velcro?

I would love to see KANK-II. Dev and Maya... True Love... Huh!

KANK

2006-08-11T16:56:00.000+05:30

Makes more sense to post about this movie here.

If you do decide to watch it, let this be the reason:

He is brilliant, I tell you, he is brilliant.

But the purpose of this blog is not to rave about Abhishek Bacchan (though its a good idea, i should start one up for my sweetheart)

I just didn't understand, how can someone simply, so simply, walk into the arms of a surly stranger?

How can you just shake the very assumptions that a marriage is built on and call it good cinema?

Most importantly, what posessed me to bunk office (shhh) and watch it on the release date?

Good news for the ladies, another reason to watch the movie. John Abraham looks absolutely adorable in his tiny guest appearance in one song. Love you Johnny!!

Wish I had a pic! More eye candy, the better, I say!!

may God grant me the ability to do this and not take away the the taste to not...

2006-08-10T14:51:00.000+05:30

The worst thing you can do

2006-08-10T14:46:00.000+05:30

Is to get married for the wrong reasons.

And what does that mean? It very simply means, don't get married because you hope being married will be more interesting than being single.

Don't get married hoping that it will change some of the very intrinsic idiosyncracies that define you.

Don't get married because "it's time" that you did.

Don't get married to someone because you don't think you'll find someone "better".

I hope I have the courage to not to any of those... Amen!

Just Because I'm Not Saying Anything...

2006-07-13T13:54:00.000+05:30

Doesn't mean things are quiet... :P

Am carefully avoiding reality...

2006-05-14T21:42:00.000+05:30

Other things (namely work) keeping me occupied. This blog will be quiet for a while, or maybe not...

2006-04-03T17:59:00.000+05:30

I don't want much.

Just someone who's 6 foot plus, good looking, dresses decently and has a nice smile

Someone who's got an IQ that's higher than mine, is smarter and more sorted out than me (academically) and has ICSE english.

Someone with a great sense of humour, who can cheer me up, has some sort of experience with moody women. Has a streak of craziness and can sweep me off my feet once in a while.

Someone who will see me through my quest for higher education, will help me get where I should go and give me a whack on the head when I need it.

Someone who owns some good property, is good with money and patient with kids.

Very important, someone who would understand my need for space and closeness.

And finally, he should be a Telugu Vaidiki (can be compromised) Brahmin not of the same gotram, year of birth between 1977 and 1980, horoscopes must match please

Any takers?

:-P

80-20

2006-02-13T22:26:00.000+05:30

80 percent of all marriage costs are incurred because of 20 percent of the guests invited.

It's a fact.

Don't believe me? Here we go, Come a week early, camp at the 'shaadi ka ghar' get the shaadi party to book the ticket, get a couple of saris from either side, come back on a free ticket, attend a reception at a nice 3-s star hotel and finally before packing up

Hey, this sounds familiar... :-)

Weddings are fun!

~ Me

My Latest Woe

2006-01-22T19:59:00.000+05:30

Is a guy from some random IIT who seems to be doing a PhD somewhere who wants to become a professor in an IIT...

Hmm... sounds good.

Should find him a nice girl.

Anyway, the one thing that hurts the most is the discussions my parents have in deciding when and how to display me to the parents.

Hmm...

That's it. If you know me, you can see the expression on my face.

~ Me

Sari Shoppin'

2006-01-21T20:17:00.000+05:30

I realise I have deviated from the original mission of this blog. This is supposed to be an entertaining space. Not a place for me to talk about louve.

Anyway, these past few weeks, I have been going shaadi shopping with my parents every sunday. I assure you, it is a very traumatic experience...

I did not know we had this many relatives. Ok, I did know they all existed but I didn't know all (and I mean all, including my mom's cousins stepmother) of them need to be gifted saris.

So, anyway, there are all these grades of relatives. Some who deserve brocade-gold zari-fine silk saris (description sounds more dramatic than pattu sari hence the usage) Some who deserve the silk but not the gold. Some to whom gifting brocade might seem inappropriate. Some who dont wear silk anymore because they're 'old'. One or two who we are not sure deserve saris but can't miss out because their cousins might be getting one. And many we're trying to mend relations with by gifting pretty saris to. After all, they're the ones who need to help fix up my marriage...

Now, here starts the fun part. How much do we spend on a single sari? Where do we buy them? What is the complexion of the lady in question? Should the ladiej get a choice? Should all saris of a certain grade be spread out in front of all those women and should they be given a chance to pick?
We're not sure. After all, what if X picks the sari that would look good on Y? What if the dark colours are done in the end and a dark lady is left with a yellow sari? Good God!

It has led to many a heated discussion at home. Mostly ending with my parents pouncing on my anti-social (would love to know what they classify a terrorist as) traits when I suggest we drop this whole sari business alltogether...

Anyhow. Tomorrow will be a better day. Because tomorrow, we're going to buy a sari for me.... And Heaven take pity on us because even our neighbours know by now that the three of us cannot agree on even a common toothpaste...

More entertainment tomorrow.

Luv
Me

Indistinguishable

2006-01-15T12:58:00.000+05:30

That's what all those matches that they keep contemplating are. By 'they' I mean, of course, not only my parents but also a whole buch of nosey relatives.

There's the scene in Kal Ho Na Ho where Naina's dadi gets all these matches in the mail and says, "Kitne change munde hain teeno ke teenon" and Naina gets worked up and says, "Teen? Sab ek hi toh lagte hain!!!"

Ejjactly my opinion. The IIT's change, the Phamily's location changes, the MS ka university changes... But they're all the same. Same as everyone else. Same as me, same as you, same as the entire world.

Someone's Waiting

2006-01-12T23:30:00.000+05:30

Someone's been waiting for me to change the tone of my writing from 'waiting' to 'found at last'...

Someone who seems to really like me (I do not use dreaded four letter words).

Someone I find cheerful, interesting, funny and smart.

And someone who's watch always runs 20 minutes late.

Someone who drove 23km to surprise me and to cheer me up...

Someone who I don't think is a dus bata dus, and definitely not a relative of the feviquik family(you know, sticks permanently, and sticks fast)

And someone who seems to understand the concept of time and space...

Yes, they're all the same person.

But I am still not in the right frame of heart or mind. I'm in an uncharacteristically selfish phase right now. All I can think of is me and myself alone.

Can't imagine a concept such as giving, listening and trusting. I rip people apart, those who annoy me. And prefer to keep people away. Turned down enough people already. And am in the process of turning down some more...

But this guy, am not sure how he sneaked in avoiding all those obstacles I set. Not too far, no. But far enough to make me think. Enough to make me wonder what my brother would think of him. And enough to get my hopes up again. Some of that cynicism seems to be wearing off... And that's a brilliant sign as far as I'm concerned.

Don't know. All avenues still open, including the part where I run away to haridwar and sing bhajans in temples. And that particular one seems the most interesting so far...

What I want to say

2006-01-10T09:42:00.000+05:30

Would I get a chance to say this to a guy who comes bride hunting to my house?

There are a lot of things I want to do that I wish had the courage to do...

I want to be a singer, I want to be a writer, I want to be a CEO, I want to be a high school chemistry teacher, I want to be a java performance consultant, I want to develop a framework, I want to become an account manager...

The best part is, I know I'm smart enough to do all that... :-)

However, since modesty is one of my major virtues, I shall refrain from speaking too much about myself now :-P

Those are some of my dreams. There are more. And I know I will do anything to see them come true. It may sound concieted or selfish or arrogant or simply crazy, but anyone who stands between my journey from who I am to who I want to be would simply cease to exist for me. Not that I wouldn't talk to him, or be with him, but I would still vanish.

It's a concept that eludes a lot of people. "What can be more important than spending the rest of your life with someone you love who loves you?", They say. "Living my life.", I reply.

Is there someone who would understand that?

I'm waiting.

I still havent found what I'm looking for...

2006-01-09T09:37:00.000+05:30

There's a line in Bunty aur Babli. Babli's parents want her to meet some random guy and she cries, "Main us dus bata dus se shaadi nahin karoongi..." (roughly means the kind of guy who always got 10/10 in all his tests, the aadarsh balak, so to speak)

I am not a dus bata dus. Really, I'm smart, I know that, but my report card always said "Can do better" and thats been the way I live my life. I'm always looking to do something better, something newer, different and most important, do what feels right to me.

And God knows this whole marriage thing doesnt seem right to me.

I need my space. Big time.

I was walking in my colony last evening, listeining to some songs and watching life go past. I saw all these 'happy couples' Mommy Daddy and Kid walking past. And I realised that I do not want this 10/10 life.

I do not want to spend my entire life worrying about my kids homework and sending my husband to work with a nice hotbox.

There's nothing wrong with it. I know. But still, thats the one thing that scares me more than anything else. Being tied down to one house, one profession, one person and a bunch of responsibilities.

In short, I am not ready for marriage.

But then, someone said to me the other day, why do you feel marriage will tie you down? Maybe it would set you free...

And the answer to that is, it would take something extrememly remarkable to make me believe that. It would take someone who can be close and yet give me my space. And it would take someone who understands my dreams.

My dreams are what mean most to me.

I will not give them up. I wonder why they bother to ask...

Clarification

2005-11-27T21:12:00.000+05:30

I get that cash from my bro, not the girl's family...

Sample Negotiations

2005-11-27T20:47:00.000+05:30

Was a rather entertaining day today. Got to meet my almost bhabhi's mom. And watch my mom and her discuss the intricacies of the economics that govern a wedding. No dowry, please. We're a very modern family. All we ask is that the bride and groom be of the same sub-caste.

Damn! I didn't even know there were all these parts to a wedding ceremony!

Anyway, the bottomline is I might grow richer by 10k cash and lots of designer clothes (obviously designer, baba, my bro and bhabi are nri's after all :P).

You know what my mom figured out at the end of it all? That she needs to top this at my wedding... Seriously, sometimes I think all ceremonies should be banned and replaced with a couple of signatures taken under the supervision of a magistrate.

Another day, some more learning...

~ Me

It All Began...

2005-11-26T23:12:00.000+05:30

The day I turned 22.

Honest.

What do any good, conscientious, loving parents do when their tall, slim, fair, engineer daughter turns 22? They declare war and search for a tall, slim (optional), fair (totally optional), double degreed, well settled son-in-law.

I learned something. Given the impossible criteria parents set (worse than ours, trust me) there is only a single guy who would fit them all. Hence, we may conclude there is just one person made for us after all. Better let the parents find him!

In this space, I shall chronicle my tales of photos, horoscopes, castes, sub castes, visits, politics, paisa and the other intricacies of arranged marriages. Hope you sympathise...